Being single and in your thirties is heavy, and no one talks about it. There’s a lot of shame and embarrassment surrounding this topic, and I’m sick of it. More than that, I’m sick of some things people say to me because I’m single, so I’m going to rant about it.
I just got married at 39. I met my husband at 34 and it was well worth the wait. Don’t settle for someone just for company is what I’ve learned. By waiting for the right person while also focusing on fixing my learned behaviors that were not conducive to a healthy relationship, I was able to find the person who was perfect for me. When we met I made it very clear I don’t believe in divorce it is till death due us part so if one of us wants out there is only one way lol. I’m glad I waited till I was older and more healed from my past traumas. God has a plan and when his comes about you’ll know. I knew I was going to marry my husband the first time I talked to him on the phone (We worked in the same industry with mutual friends). Gods voice told me my husband will want to marry me so I have to get my stuff together. He wasn’t wrong, we were engaged within a month of hanging out for the first time and married 5 years later. We waited so I could finish school and not effect my scholarships by being married. The waiting gives us time to heal and prepare for when God drops our forever person on us.
My personal favorite was a married friend telling me to just pick someone.. anyone. Flash forward and they are now divorced, commiserating how awful it is out there and I am biting my tongue hard to not give the great advice of “just pick someone.. anyone!”
In college after sharing with someone I was doing a study abroad the next semester the first question I was asked was: do you have a boyfriend? I was deflated. Here I was doing something cool and that’s all they cared about? Since then I have never asked anyone if they have an SO. My friends will tell me. There is no need to ask. My frustration being single when I was older was the not knowing if I would get married. I felt OK being single. I just didn’t want the stress of wondering if there was someone for me out there.
I think when they say "are you putting yourself out there?" is them asking you if you are actively seeking a mate. Are you on Christian Mingle yet? Online dating is very active. Are you dressing to attract a mate? Are you approaching men you are interested and asking them? Things like that. Just a guess but that would be my thoughts on why they say it.
This! Amen. This! My job involves having deep-sharing conversations with women in their thirties. The thing soooo many single women say which they feel ashamed to vocalize is ‘I want to tell my friends “Don’t invite me to your wedding. It hurts to much.”
Bless your sweet souls. I’m 36 and I am slowly accepting that I will likely be single and not be a mother. At least not give birth. I was fed this lie that if I kept my legs closed and was a good girl God would send me a husband. It’s such a damaging message. I have dated some in my 30s. It was soul crushing and I just can’t shake the idea that anyone decent is already married. And I won’t settle. Because I would be a prize for a man. I say that with confidence. I am a high value woman and I can be that on my own. It’s hard.. and I don’t prefer it but I have to make my own way. And create purpose. God will use me no matter. And I’m thankful this isn’t the end game. Thank you for sharing all this sister friend. ♥️
I'm so glad you are discussing this. More women need to know that they have a limited time deal on their sexual market value, and they should focus more energy on family earlier in their lives.
I just got married at 39. I met my husband at 34 and it was well worth the wait. Don’t settle for someone just for company is what I’ve learned. By waiting for the right person while also focusing on fixing my learned behaviors that were not conducive to a healthy relationship, I was able to find the person who was perfect for me. When we met I made it very clear I don’t believe in divorce it is till death due us part so if one of us wants out there is only one way lol. I’m glad I waited till I was older and more healed from my past traumas. God has a plan and when his comes about you’ll know. I knew I was going to marry my husband the first time I talked to him on the phone (We worked in the same industry with mutual friends). Gods voice told me my husband will want to marry me so I have to get my stuff together. He wasn’t wrong, we were engaged within a month of hanging out for the first time and married 5 years later. We waited so I could finish school and not effect my scholarships by being married. The waiting gives us time to heal and prepare for when God drops our forever person on us.
My personal favorite was a married friend telling me to just pick someone.. anyone. Flash forward and they are now divorced, commiserating how awful it is out there and I am biting my tongue hard to not give the great advice of “just pick someone.. anyone!”
i’m in my late 20s, really enjoyed this. love your vulnerability on this topic! it’s definitely hard to discuss with others. sending love🙏🏾
In college after sharing with someone I was doing a study abroad the next semester the first question I was asked was: do you have a boyfriend? I was deflated. Here I was doing something cool and that’s all they cared about? Since then I have never asked anyone if they have an SO. My friends will tell me. There is no need to ask. My frustration being single when I was older was the not knowing if I would get married. I felt OK being single. I just didn’t want the stress of wondering if there was someone for me out there.
I think when they say "are you putting yourself out there?" is them asking you if you are actively seeking a mate. Are you on Christian Mingle yet? Online dating is very active. Are you dressing to attract a mate? Are you approaching men you are interested and asking them? Things like that. Just a guess but that would be my thoughts on why they say it.
This! Amen. This! My job involves having deep-sharing conversations with women in their thirties. The thing soooo many single women say which they feel ashamed to vocalize is ‘I want to tell my friends “Don’t invite me to your wedding. It hurts to much.”
You’ve made a lot of excellent and eye opening points (as always). Thank you for sharing this podcast.
I’m sorry you feel that way Savannah. You seem like an amazing person.
Bless your sweet souls. I’m 36 and I am slowly accepting that I will likely be single and not be a mother. At least not give birth. I was fed this lie that if I kept my legs closed and was a good girl God would send me a husband. It’s such a damaging message. I have dated some in my 30s. It was soul crushing and I just can’t shake the idea that anyone decent is already married. And I won’t settle. Because I would be a prize for a man. I say that with confidence. I am a high value woman and I can be that on my own. It’s hard.. and I don’t prefer it but I have to make my own way. And create purpose. God will use me no matter. And I’m thankful this isn’t the end game. Thank you for sharing all this sister friend. ♥️
Facts. You can't be content single and desire marriage at once.
Thank you...I enjoyed that!
I'm so glad you are discussing this. More women need to know that they have a limited time deal on their sexual market value, and they should focus more energy on family earlier in their lives.