The Man and the Bear
The latest TikTok controversy has men in their feelings and women rolling their eyes.
What about you? Would you rather be stuck in the forest with a man or a bear? It’s a simple hypothetical street question, and TikTok is spiraling over it, particularly male creators. I’m not in the business of pitting men against women, nor am I a member of the she-woman man hater’s club, but reality is what it is and sometimes it’s not pleasant.
Allegedly this TikTok from March 12th started the conversation:
I don’t agree that all women are misandrists, but he’s correct in saying most women to some degree fear men. Some women are outright terrified while others are cautious and will take precautions, but there are valid reasons for this. 1 in 5 women have been raped and 99% of those assaults are committed by men and around half of those women were raped by an intimate partner. Marital rape didn’t become illegal in all 50 states until 1993 and even now many states treat non-marital rape and marital rape differently. I’m not a scientist or sociologist but nearly every woman I’ve met has a story from their childhood of men being inappropriate, whether that’s checking them out, catcalling, propositioning them, or something more heinous. It doesn’t sound too farfetched to think women if given the option would pick the bear, but a lot of men on social media couldn’t handle that answer.
A good chunk of men who understood were husbands and fathers.
Then you have the men who took the responses personally. A hypothetical response to a hypothetical question, something that would probably never happen in real life, bruised their egos to the point where they felt rejected and started throwing insults.
Dear Ladies, I don’t know how this would work, but find a way to work this “man or bear” hypothetical into a conversation on a first date. It’s an easy way to find out if your potential next boyfriend will or won’t take a future no for an answer.
Let’s talk about this TikTok from LJ Truth:
Without realizing it, LJ gives plenty of reasons why women would choose the bear. Women are expressing their genuine fears and concerns, even sharing their stories of times they’ve been assaulted or harassed, and his response is to insult them. He implies that the response is ridiculous considering women partake in risky behavior (and I don’t see how that’s any different than telling a woman she shouldn’t have been drinking or lecturing her on what she was wearing). He then tries to change the conversation by talking about specific men: Keith Lee, Lebron James, Ryan Reynolds, and Chris Brown. We’re crazy if we don’t pick the man over the bear four out of four times because it’s 2024 and a lot of men seem to think they have a right to tell women how they should feel about their safety.
Me personally…I’d pick the bear. Would his hypothetical safe men (including the one with a felony assault conviction and who was sentenced to one year of domestic violence counseling) change my answer? No, because the question didn’t ask about a specific man. The question didn’t mention what kind of man. We don’t know if the hypothetical man is good or bad…he’s just a man.
I’ve seen some women posturing, trying to set themselves apart because the choosing of a bear over a man comes across as woke, liberal, man-hating, but it’s just common sense. The question was, “Would you rather be stuck in the forest with a man or a bear?” Emphasis on the word “stuck.” Any woman who tells you they wouldn’t be cautious, nervous, or scared stuck in a situation with an unknown man is lying. It doesn’t make you a liberal to say so.
I don’t expect men to understand…because they’re men. We’re all living the same reality, but men and women navigate this reality differently. We’re positioned in different places in this reality, so I don’t expect you to understand if you’ve never had a seat at this table. There are things we as women worry about that will never cross their minds. A lot of men were hyperbolic in their response to women choosing the bear, opting for the extreme of being mauled to death and torn to pieces, but it makes sense to me that men would go to that extreme because for most of you men that’s the worst that could happen to you. For most women, however, there are things worse than death. The thought of the worst thing a man could do to me…I’d rather take my chances with the bear. I don’t expect you to get it, but I invite you to listen.
Think of it like this:
For conversation’s sake, let’s pretend you’re not afraid of snakes.
If I told you there were ten non-venomous snakes inside this box, would you stick your hand in? You might. What if I told you two of the snakes were venomous and you could die in seconds? The chances of you getting bit by two of the ten are low, but there’s still a chance. Would you still give it a try? Maybe.
What if I told you there were ten snakes in the box and nothing else? You ask me if any of the snakes were venomous and I say, “I don’t know.” You ask me the names of the different breeds and I say, “I don’t know.” You have a box full of snakes and no way of knowing if they are harmless or deadly…would you stick your hand in? Are you going to risk the unknown?
This hypothetical question already assumes that women are cautious, even scared, of men they don’t know. Human beings are intelligent and unpredictable and for women in a vulnerable position (such as the woods or the women’s bathroom) that unpredictability is terrifying.
Now add in the bear. I’m in Louisiana, so my chances of running into anything other than a black bear are slim. With a bear, almost nothing is unpredictable. I know what to expect and what to do. Is the bear scary? Yes. Could the bear kill me? Yes. But I only have two choices: the known or the unknown. I know what to do if I encounter a black bear, but I have no way of knowing if the man in the woods is Billy Graham or Ted Bundy.
It’s the unknown. It’s not all men, fellas. It’s the unknown.
Worse than the man who let his bruised ego show is the man who made it all about his feelings.
I understand for some men it hurts their feelings knowing some women view them as a threat, but that’s not the problem. What’s problematic is suggesting women should prioritize men’s feelings over their safety.
I will be the first to tell women to watch what they say to men because our words carry a lot of weight. What we say to them means more than they’ll admit and having the power to make or break a man with our words should be handled with care and responsibility, but this is crossing a line…it’s also very familiar.
This is how I know a certain movement is a men’s rights movement because only weak men would ask women to let down their guard to spare their feelings.
Maybe I’m the weirdo, but I chose the man 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah. I’m going with the man. I interact with those every single day and I’m good. Bears are a very scary unknown to me. The vast majority of guys aren’t going to be a problem and many would be an asset. A bear doesn’t even have that possibility.
The thing is I don’t believe women when they answer bear. We almost all choose to interact with men alllll the time. Most of us never ever choose to interact with a bear in our lives.